BEWARE OF BATS BEARING GIFTS
By Rush O'Reilly
Enough is enough.
When reports first started surfacing around town of a mysterious vigilante calling himself "The Bat-Man" several years ago, most sane people wrote them off as gossip. It was an understandable reaction, to be sure. Naturally, a handful of bleeding-heart liberals soon led the charge to declare this lunatic--whose existence had never been confirmed--the savior of the city. This "Bat-Man," they bleated, was able to do something the police could not: rid Gotham of violent crime.
Well, now that a few years have passed, the so-called savior has begun to show his true colors. The recent spike in "Bat-Man" sightings--over three dozen in the last month alone, almost all of them portraying him as perpetrator rather than avenger--have confirmed what I suspected all along. Gotham City is being terrorized by a madman starved for attention. He's getting plenty of it lately, and I say it's time for his joyride to end.
Folks, this wacko in a Halloween costume is bad news. If you like the idea of vigilante justice so damn much, why not take the concept one step further: if you see this idiot yourself, shoot him.
THAT, my friends, is the only way to save our fair city.