89. Dick

I'm starting to think something really strange is going on. You'll notice it's been two weeks since my last entry here, and ... I can't remember a damn thing I've done during that time! Oh, sure, I've suited up and gone on routine patrols with Batman most nights, but other than that, it's all a blur. I think I had lunch with Janice sometime last week, and I know it's pretty much over with Peter, but other than that, what the hell have I been doing all day?

Now, last night was a night off, I know that. The last thing I remember is turning on the TV and falling asleep on the couch around 9 PM. I woke up this morning in my bed, but there were scratches on my arm and forehead, and I found several little bits of mud and twigs under my bedsheets.

I know I should tell Batman about it, but I'm too embarrassed. He'd probably just chew me out, the way he seems to relish doing when I fuck something up. Instead, I've been trying to think about what I would do if I were him: analyze the debris under a microscope, for starters. But why? What would I be looking for? He hasn't taught me enough yet to be able to learn much of anything from soil samples. So I could try it, but I'd just be going through the motions.

Which is apparently what I've been up to since the beginning of the month.

88. Batman

Nights lately have been quiet, but the silence is deceptive. The streets are alive with danger and dark possibility. I continue to hear sporadic reports of the unnamed newcomer, all of them sketchy. His suit seems to resemble mine, sans cape. Indeed, he is often mistaken for me, which may well be his intent.

I continue my nightly patrols, often with Robin's help now. In the last two weeks we have apprehended more than a dozen criminals, small-timers all. R has become an invaluable asset to me, though at the same time I must be ever mindful of his safety. I can do nothing to put his life in jeopardy.

Meanwhile, Nygma is out there. Somewhere. I find myself thinking about him day and night, replaying our earlier encounters over and over in my mind. As much as I dread what he has become, I find myself ... attracted ever more to him.

In times like these, there is only one thing to do: throw myself into my work. Exercise vigorously. Train my mind and body.

And hope for the best.

87. Dick

Another week gone by, but this time I've been busy as hell. Now that I have no other career besides being a caped crusader's sidekick, I've plunged myself into the job, researching online all day, swinging into action half the night. Batman has been taking me out on patrols more and more often--not every single night (there were a few when I just stayed home and slept)--but enough for me to get my feet wet. Mostly I'm the lookout with the binoculars (excuse me, "bat-noculars") who stays on a nearby rooftop at a safe distance and alerts him of any threats he can't see from the ground, but at least I'm actually out there making something of myself. (I'm also making way more $$$ on the Wayne payroll than I've ever made in any previous, er, position. Life is good.)

Still lots of unspoken tension between the two of us; I just can't seem to bring up the Riddler/Nygma/fuckbuddy business myself, and I know there's no WAY he's gonna say anything if I don't do it first. But we've managed to keep working as a team, and maybe we're even getting better at it as we go. Maybe we don't even need to discuss it after all.

Oh, and I even got my first mention in the paper late last week. A small thing, just hearsay about the Masked Manhunter allegedly working with a (nameless) partner now, but it's still kind of cool. I know we're not supposed to be in it for the glory (and Batman even says that publicity is dangerous in our case), but I gotta say I felt a little proud of myself when I read that.

Had the day off today, so I made a little time to have brunch with Janice this morning. Nice to see here again after so long, but the conversation was a little icy. It's like we barely know each other any more. She tells me she's got a new boyfriend--I forget his name--and I was suitably vague about my own activities of late. As always.

Think I'll turn in early tonight--back to the bat-grind tomorrow, and I need to be as alert as possible in this new line of work.

86. Dick

Where have the last few days gone? Hell, where has the last week or two gone? It's all a blur... of anger at Bruce over this whole Riddler business, of futile attempts to get my "real" life back together, and of total horniness. I swear I spend every night having one wet dream after another; it's like I'm 15 all over again.

Called Peter last weekend and suggested we get together again for the first time in ages, but he blew me off. (Well, that's exactly what he didn't do. I've never understood that expression--and I certainly don't understand why it's supposed to be a negative one.) He was polite, but I could tell he was pissed at me for not having anything to do with him for weeks. Naturally I can't tell him why I've been incommunicado--namely, I've spent way too many of my nights tied to various torture devices and/or walloping bad guys--so I must come across like a total asshole. Doesn't bode well for a healthy relationship.

Meanwhile, the one I have with Bruce is the farthest thing from healthy you can imagine. I'm in love with him (there, I've said it), he's in love with this Riddler character (there, I've said it), and the Riddler is one of at least three dozen psychos who would like nothing better than to kill us both. (Okay, so most of them don't know I exist yet... but I doubt that would stand in their way.)

On the other hand, by this point I know what I've gotten into with Batman, and I realize I can't just keep backing out every time I discover something about Bruce that I don't like. He's not going to change; we both know that. The question is: Will I?

85. H.S.

That's right, Batman, be "on guard" all you want. Not that it will do you much good... but I do enjoy watching you start to squirm. And there's so much more squirming to come.

84. Batman

A new masked man has been making his presence known in Gotham of late. No details on what side of the law he might be on... merely scattered sightings turning up on police reports. I had best be on my guard.